Rather than suppressing it, we need to learn how to better channel it, says psychologist Daniel Goleman. Anger is a human emotion, impossible to suppress but easy to channel by following a series of guidelines. It’s also necessary to properly address anger, which is considered a veritable poison for the mind. He draws on his meeting with the Dalai Lama, the renowned Tibetan leader, and analyzing deep negative emotions, reaching the conclusion that it’s important to develop a healthy self-awareness.
It’s necessary to understand your emotions so you can recognize them when they try to take over. Through this first step, you can, step by step, control yourself and live better with others, transforming anger into something more constructive, for yourself and for others.
Recognize anger. The first step to controlling an emotion is understanding where it comes from and, above all, how it manifests itself. For this, it’s necessary, first and foremost, to develop self-awareness. Those who deny the emotion, on the other hand, only amplify it, leading to explosions (of controlled anger) or implosions (of repressed anger).
Avoid hasty judgments. Too often, when dealing with another person, we tend to make hasty and superficial judgments. The goal might be to observe our own judgments, dictated by anger, and question them.
Release tension. When an outburst of anger is imminent, it’s necessary to leave the house and start walking, in order to distract the mind and distance oneself as quickly as possible from the situation that created tension.
Be objective. The best way to manage your anger is to look at yourself from an external perspective. Anger is fueled above all by the tendency to focus on your own pain and exaggerate it. Therefore, it can be helpful to distance yourself to understand if you might be exaggerating a bit.